I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
