Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
