were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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