im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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