you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
