She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
