it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
