Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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