I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
