i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
