Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
