I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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