Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
