Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
