Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
