"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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