I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
