he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
