just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
