My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
