Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
