i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
