I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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