Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
