I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
