i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Alive.
So much puke
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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