She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
