she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
