Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
