seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
