I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
