I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
