That's intense
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
