just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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