Need sex. Gaining weight.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
