so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
