And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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