Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
