NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
zippers are such a cool invention
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You made out with two different species that night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
