I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
