Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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