he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
