Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
