My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
