Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
