my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
