But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
