Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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