he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
