i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
